A Life Well Lived: Supporting Ageing Parents with Confidence and Care

A service inspired by Emily’s own family

The idea for Guiding Generations grew from Emily’s own experience. She lives in the UK while her parents live in the United States, and began thinking more seriously about their future while completing her own estate planning around the birth of her child.

“The geographical distance made it even more important to plan ahead,” she says. “If they had a health issue, would we be coordinated as a family? Would we have a clear sense of who could step in? Would we all understand their wishes?”

These questions led to what Emily describes as “a really rich family discussion”. They also showed her how valuable it can be to have someone connect the medical, practical, financial and emotional parts of later-life planning.

“I help families plan strategically for the practical and emotional aspects of later life and ageing,” she says. “I often describe myself as a strategic thought partner and family facilitator.”

Her experience as a lawyer and qualified mediator helps her bring clarity to complex family situations, but the older person always remains at the centre.

“I always centre the voice, needs and dignity of the older adult,” Emily says. “What are their wishes? How would they want to be cared for and supported as they age?”

Starting with curiosity rather than solutions

Adult children are often balancing work, children and busy homes of their own. They are used to solving problems quickly, so it can feel natural to approach a parent with a list of answers.

“They may approach their parents by saying, ‘You need help. Let’s find a solution. Let’s fix this,’” Emily says.

The parent may hear something very different. A well-meant suggestion can sound like a decision has already been made about their abilities, their home or their future.

Emily recommends beginning with curiosity. Ask what matters most to the person, what they hope their life will look like over the next two years and what would help them remain independent for as long as possible.

“The first step is to listen rather than immediately trying to fix things,” she says. “The message should be: ‘I want to understand what you want so we can support you,’ rather than, ‘We’ve decided what you need and we’re going to do it.’”

This allows planning to begin with possibility. It may be about remaining at home, travelling, seeing grandchildren or keeping a valued weekly routine.

Emily was particularly touched by an example shared by Doctorcall GP Dr Loredana Kent.

Dr Kent had visited an older gentleman who could no longer garden, but still loved sitting outside and looking at the garden he had spent years cultivating.

“Quality of life is closely connected to a sense of purpose and meaning,” Emily says. “For someone else, it might mean seeing friends regularly, volunteering, continuing to travel or finding relief from pain. You have to ask the individual what matters to them.”

Once that is understood, practical decisions can support the life the person wants to keep, rather than focusing only on what they may no longer be able to do.

Keeping safety and independence on the same team

Families may disagree when an adult child is focused on safety while their parent wants to protect their freedom, privacy and connection to home.

“The adult child’s desire for safety and the older adult’s desire for independence can clash,” Emily explains. “My role is to help the family find a healthy compromise between the two.”

Independence does not have to mean managing without support. Home adaptations, professional care, regular family contact and medical care at home can help an older person stay safely in familiar surroundings.

“We work towards putting everyone on the same team,” Emily says. “The shared goal is to help the parent maintain both safety and independence for as long as possible.”

Supporting a parent from another city or country

Distance can make it harder to understand how a parent is really managing from day to day. A reassuring telephone call may not show changes that have become visible to someone nearby.

“Adult children may receive a reassuring version of events: ‘I’m fine. Everything’s fine,’” Emily says. “A sibling who lives nearby might then say, ‘I saw Mum last Thursday and something was a little worrying.’”

Different time zones, healthcare systems and legal arrangements add complexity. Guilt can become part of it too, even when the adult child is doing a great deal from a distance.

Emily helps families build a trusted local team that may include relatives, neighbours, carers, advisers and medical professionals.

“That might include a trusted GP or private GP who visits regularly, checks how the parent is doing and provides objective information,” she explains. “The doctor may be able to reassure the family or identify a health issue that needs attention.”

A Doctorcall home visit can form part of that network. A private GP can assess the older person at home and explain the next steps. With the patient’s consent, family members can be kept informed.

This can help when a relative cannot attend an appointment or the family needs medical input for a wider care decision.

What a home visit can show

A clinic appointment is important, but it may not reveal everything about how someone is managing in daily life. Seeing a person at home gives a doctor a different kind of context.

“A home visit can reveal information that is difficult to see in a clinic,” Emily says. “A doctor can observe how someone moves around their home, how they manage medication, what support is already in place and what might need to be added. They may also notice that a spouse or relative is carrying more responsibility than anyone realised.”

Familiar surroundings may make it easier to talk openly. The doctor can consider both the immediate concern and how health affects the person’s independence.

“A home visit can help the doctor understand what matters most to the individual and what they want their life to look like,” Emily adds. “It can provide a fuller picture in a more relaxed environment.”

Remote consultations offer another route to medical advice when travelling is difficult.

Turning many concerns into a practical roadmap

Families may already have trusted medical, legal, financial and care professionals, but still find it difficult to connect their advice and decide what should happen first.

Emily helps families look at the whole picture. Guiding Generations’ four-part framework begins by clarifying what the family already knows, what information is missing and which professionals may be able to help.

The family then considers the older person’s wishes, the role each relative can realistically play and which action will make the greatest difference now.

“Families cannot do everything at once, so we identify the most important next step,” Emily explains.

For one family facing several concerns, that step was helping the mother use her hearing aids properly. Without them, she was becoming socially isolated, struggling to understand doctors during appointments and finding driving less safe. Addressing this one practical issue improved several parts of her life.

Emily then creates a roadmap for the next two, six and 12 months. This might include a GP review, support at home, changes to the property, financial planning or legal advice. It can also record how the person would prefer to receive medical care, including when they might use their usual NHS GP or arrange a Doctorcall home visit.

The result is a clear, manageable plan centred on the older person’s priorities, with each step introduced at the right time.

Planning ahead protects choice

One of the biggest misconceptions Emily encounters is that later-life planning should begin only after a health scare. She believes the best time is while the older person is healthy and doing well.

“Early planning gives people more choices, and often better ones,” she says. “Another misconception is that planning takes away independence. I believe the opposite. Early later-life planning can protect independence because it allows the older adult to express their wishes and make choices.”

There is another belief Emily wants families to leave behind: the idea that they should manage everything alone.

“No one teaches us how to plan for this stage of life,” she says. “We learn how to prepare for university, having a child or a wedding, and there are many resources to help with those events. Later-life planning is different. It is not a family’s failure if they do not feel ready.”

Families cannot predict every change, but they can understand the older person’s wishes, organise information and identify the professionals they would contact.

One conversation is enough to begin

Emily often meets families who care deeply but feel unable to move beyond worry.

“They have worried conversations or text siblings to say, ‘I’m getting concerned about Mum,’ but they do not move forward,” she says. “Everyone remains in a holding pattern, waiting for a crisis to make them act.”

Her advice is simple: “Don’t wait. Schedule a calm family conversation while things are still steady and before there is an urgent problem.”

“This is only a first conversation,” Emily says. “You do not need to solve everything at once. The goal is to begin building open and honest family communication around later-life planning.”

Guiding Generations can help the family set priorities and create a plan centred on the older person. Doctorcall can add private GP home visits and remote consultations, giving the family a trusted route to medical care.

Growing older can bring change, but planning for it does not have to begin in fear. It can be a warm and constructive way for families to understand one another, protect the older person’s independence and make more space for the life they still want to enjoy.